The Northern Lights or Why I'm in Love

There is something soo indescribable about the Northern Lights. After watching them tonight I find that words fail me and that as I watched them I had no frame of reference to place them in. They were beautiful, unworldly, awe inspiring and amazing. And that fail to strach the surface. To truly begin to understand them, you have to see them. And I think that sums up this place. Now that the light has returned I have never been so greatful to be somewhere in the morning. Its a town that gentlely sucks you. One moment your an outsider and the next you know half the people on the street. And presents you with the weridest friendliest assortment of oddballs you've ever met. The utter lack of pretense is amazing. There is something to be said for a town where shit brown rain boots (xtra-tuffs) are considered acceptable with formal wear. Trust me you see it. Its a place where people are who they are and if you don't like it well then tough shit. And its a place that slowly changes you. It is a place that I will leave with a heavy heart, but I'll be back and it'll be like coming home.

Break... I was going to take a break?

Well my life is topsy tuvry as always. Just when I thought a break was a good idea, I changed my mind. I'm going to Utah this summer, which will be good. As much as there are things that annoy me about that place at least I'm kept out of the adminstrative bullshit. I make props. That's it. I don't have to concerned about other things there. THey understand I'm contract labor and though I care about the place I'm not asked on how to solve problems that are quite frankly way over my head, or to help put in place plans for after I've left. Its understood that I will leave in August and maybe I'll come back and maybe I won't. And I appricate that.

I'm also going to be sending out stuff for some upcoming jobs that I can't pass up. 2 of them are full time with benifits and one is 3/4 time but is at a University. All are for Artisans. I've never seen this many props jobs that are full time open up at once. Maybe, maybe next year I can finally start to realize my dream of making a nest at a regional theatre.

But then of course to complicate my plans, I've decided I want to go to grad school. Since I want to major in props, there are really only 4 choices: University of Delaware, North Carolina School of the Arts, CalArts and the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts. Hmmmmm... which one does Chris want to go to? The one that is of course the furthest from home and the most expensive, the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts. I need to do more research into the program but it would allow me to live in London again. Plus I need to see if I can find the money. I'm not planning on this happening for several years if at all but it gives me something to strive for. I've been looking for that long term goal for awhile now, and this seems to fit in away that finding a steady job just doesn't. As always we'll see what happens.

Change of Pace

Things are well things. Which means things are alturnatly euphoric and intensly frustrating. And I find myself asking if I should even be in this field. I'm okay at my job, but not exceptional, not great. I'm passable, okay. But not great. I'm not even sure if I'm good. And I keep moving and I'm becoming sick of it. I want to stay put. But I am also questioning if this is what I should be doing with my life and if it is not then it begs the question, what the hell I should be doing with my life. And it makes me ask what am I good at. And in the end I don't know. I don't think I'll be leaving theatre perminantly, but I do feel I need the break. At least now during all the chaos.

Vindictive Bitchness or how to get even with out even trying

So today I found out one of my roommates loathes me. How may you ask. The wonders of the Internet. My Space bulletins to specific. Obviously he wants me to know but lacks the testicular fortitude to tell me. And at first it hurt. A lot. And then I got angry and then I laughed my ass off. Because the thing he apparently loathes is me. As a human being. My attitude, my way of dealing with world everything.

Apparently he thinks the opposite of like is dislike. Which in my experience is not true. Apathy or ambivalence is the opposite liking someone. Because you can't affect them at all. He handed me a whole shit ton of power with the knowledge that I don't even need to be present to drive him nuts. And honestly save today I really don't think about him that much. Yes I would've liked to get to know him as we live together, but that is mainly because we live together. Not any other reason. But now, now I can get out all of the sheer bitchiness that I've spent this summer storing up. And the best part is I don't even have to try. I just have to be present and say good morning. And sit back and know it drives him up a fucking wall. And the best part is that he doesn't expect this. In fact he'll expect that I'll try harder now that I know he dislikes me intensely. The funny part is that he thinks I'm sad and pathetic. But really I find it sad and pathetic that he blogged about the fact that I drive him nuts. Twice.

If your miserable don't blame me sweetie. I'm not responsible for your misery. You are and guess what, me being here and myself does not take the onus off of you to change your situation. Unless you enjoy being miserable. Which if you do that might take some of the fun out of this. Yes the fact that we aren't chums would bother me occasionally but not enough to write about it or dwell on it. Until now. Until you handed me a way to vent a few things with giving anyone else a reason to be pissed at me, or lifting a damn finger.

And I'm just going to sit on the couch watching my presence drive him insane and laugh. Because I get to enjoy being bitchy with out a. having to put forth effort, and b. feeling guilty. Is this a little passive aggressive, you bet your sweet ass it is, but I learned at the masters knee this summer.

So I get an outlet and he goes nuts. Which let's face it is what the vengeful bitch in me wants. And really I don't feel a strong compulsion to keep her in. Maybe on short lease otherwise his laundry may ended up in the creek behind our house. Under the ice.

Yes I know this is an uglier side to me. But I refuse to change. And I'm not going to feel bad about sitting in my living room. So I might as well enjoy it.

On the Floor at the Great Divide/ With my shirt tucked in and my shoes untied

I figured you all needed an I'm not dead post. Things are well here. We just opened our 2nd show last week so its slow right now. Its odd I hated the schdule at my last job, but I'm finding the pace here to be a little. The upside was that I got to leave Juneau for a short bit and exprince "real Alaska" in Haines. Which was something I was not quite prepared for. I thought Juneau was isolated and small, but it now feels like a bustling city. Don't get me wrong I enjoyed Haines, it was beautiful and the people I was visiting were awsome but I just realized I didn't really understand what small town meant. Parts of me liked it. There is a certian comfort in knowing almost everyone you see. Knowing where they fit in your life and where you fit in there. And there is a certian niceness in the civility that seemed to flow out of that. But I knew I was not going to be able to wrap my head around that place. I the moment I think I figured that out was when I was explaining where I grew up. I kept calling it the village cause that what Morton Grove is organized as. I kept saying how small it was. When I was asked the population I replied with out even thinking that it was 24,000. You should of seen the look I got. I then had to explain that compared to the towns around us that we were small. I still got an incredoulous look and explaination of how they could not imagine living somewhere so big. And after 2 days I could see how it would be odd to live somewhere where everyone didn't know everyone else. If anything this place is truly challenging my perspective of the way the world is.

Other than its small size coulpled with isolation the increable thing about Haines is the location. If you've ever seen White Fang, welcome to where was shot. The moutiain shot up from the ground and were amazing. Unlike here they were all jagged peaks. I couldn't belive the scencery surrounding me. Covered in snow, evergreens bowing under the weight, moutains soaring and tree filled with eagles. It was interesting trip. A definate chance to examine the world around it and I percive it.

Darkness and too much downtime

Hi all-
Greetings from the Northwoods. Things are going well here though life has seattled to point where I'm unused to it. I'm getting more than enough time off. That being said we haven't had a lot to do lately mainly cause we're just maintaining the current show. Now the designs are in and the director is getting here today and then its off to the races until December 12th when it slows down again, until we have to get the next show started sometime late in December. I've been thoroughly enjoying my free time until this past week. Now I'm ready to work again. I came up here to work and though that's what spent my first 4 weeks doing but these last 3 have been just pissy shit. I've been paid and I can't complain too much, but I want to get cooking again. I know this show will have some fantastic portfolio pieces and some great learning opportunities.
The thing that's getting to me is the fact that at 6:00 its almost dark and by 7:00 its pitch outside. And it will slowly be getting darker earlier though with Daylight savings it will be very abrupt on Monday. Ah well. I'll get over it and through it and on with life. I hope all is well for everyone else. And I hope the dark isn't getting to you.
-Chris

Pictues ( Finally)

Douglas Island where I work.
My back yard.

Downtown.
Out Thane.

So I promised pictures and I've been lacking in getting them out. So here they are.

Alaska

Hi all-
I've made it here safe and sound. ANd its beaufitful. The housing is above the shop adn rehearsal hall and since its new its nice. I have my own room and shortly will get around to making it my own. I love the fact that the living room looks out on to two mountains and creek. Plus the shop is about the size of Point's with celings at about 25' or so which after 7'8" makes me happy. Things are a little crazy as we are in the middle of the biggest show of the season, but even with that, I was out of work by 8 and had time to get groceries and get a beer downtown with the cast and writers. So I like it though its stressful for a lot of my college's right now. But still I'm in a good mood, after all the people that work here actually have a chance to meet people that live here. So all is well.

Fin

I have to say its been a summer. I'm done with my job and I'm glad its over. Looking back on it it almost feels like an abusive realtionship. I was asked to hours well above and beyond what was safe and was basically torn down from the first show on. Plus it was a very passive agressive enivorment and I don't deal well with those. Where I'm from (meaning my family) a fight took 60 minutes. 20 to get good and pissed, 20 to scream at each other, and 20 to apolgize for being an ass and not seeing things from another point of view. I hate when things just fester under the surface and everyone pretends that things are fine. They aren't, but people were so unwilling to deal with them that they needed someone to take it out on and that was me. I wish I could say that last part was me being parnoid but when I have others pointing it out to me afarid that its not. So finally got out and I think I did it with some class. I finshed up Forum to the best of my ablites, helped out with the changeover and left with out a hail and farwell address from atop the run off table from the table saw.

I'm now up in North Sea which is on the east end of Long Island and I'm just happy to be away from that place. I've spent the last two days doing laundry, repacking and reading. And its been heaven. Hopefully I'll get some fishing in today and get to take a ton of pictures tomrrow. If they turn out well I'll post them. Hope everyone is doing well.
Chris

Resigning

Well I finally hit my breaking point. I resigned yesterday. I belive I'll be here until Forum opens but honsetly I'd much rather leave now. I realized yesterday that staying on here was stupid, I'm miserable, not able to sleep and not able to keep food in my system when I have enough of an appitite to eat it. So I realized that I needed to do this for me. I'm not sure if I shot myself in the foot in terms of a career in theatre, but if this is the cost to me then its too high. I can't continue to hold myself together when there is no engery left. So for those of you in the Midwest I'll be home for a little bit. Hope everyone elses summers are going much better.
Chris

Holy Shit ... JUNE??

So not only is today my birthday, which has been going quite well, I got my contract from Alaska and I found out that 1. I have 4 days to get there from Jersey, and 2. I'm employed until June 15!! Holy shit, that makes me a far happier person. Though it will make finding work next summer all the more interesting as a lot of places start in May. Still makes me happy.

Work wise things are fine. We've started Joseph and I think it should be good. The biggest changelle is going to be the goat that gets ripped apart. I start that this afternoon, wish me luck.

I'm not dead...yet

Wow, ten days latter almost no sleep and about 10 pounds lighter we're going into tech for Millie> Holy shit, its been awhile since I've done something like this. Millie is about 75 of the way there and now its just getting details done. Which will happen tonight. No addtional set pieces, or big surprise props. So I'm happy. I didn't repeat the same mistakes as last though I did run into some new ones, which got dealt with and life moved on.
Speaking of life I find myself completely lacking one but I'm oddly okay with that. Mainly becuase people here on the tech staff make a concerted effort to keep a good attitude about things. I'll post some pictures from the summer at some point. Just wanted to let you all know I wasn't dead, yet :).

Salieri

For those of you who know Amadeus you know who this character is. And that's who I feel like. Some one who wants to be great but can only seem to achive medicority. Every time I turned around in the last few days something didn't work or got fucked up cause I was trying to rush. I haven't been this frustraited since I left Point. Summer stock theatre and I aren't friends. I overwork myself in the wrong way cause it seems to be the way to do things here. Not the wrong way for other people but for me since I need to stop when I first hit the point of diminshing returns and not keep plowing through and continuiously fucking up because I'm tired and feeling rushed. I can't do this to myself the next show. That being said everything is here but some needs tweaking. I need to find the balence between building and managing which I've totally negleted in order get things done. I'm fried it shows and I'm not happy even though most things are working. I managed to bulid a fucking bauble pole for fuck's sake. Its made of hula hoops jute rope and a big fucking stick and it looks like Mardi Gras vomited all over it. Which is how it should look. But I'm tired and tech starts soon. Wish me luck.

Summer Stock without a Shop (Temperaorly)

So I made it and I'm settled and ready to work. But I'm spining my wheels in the mud. I'm stuck wanting to get a space where I can work as our shop is literaly almost done so once it is its balls to the walls time. I'm trying to work around it and so far I've gotten my lists done and gathered up as many items as possible and tryed to start on as many problems as possible. I'm gonna be really fucking tired at the end of the season.

Jersey

So I made it. In one piece with what I consider a minmal amount of shit ( a suitcase, rubbermaid (big), a bike and two tool boxes. And it in many ways is good to be here.
I'm currently adjusting back to the idea of real summer stock after getting spoiled in Logan. I'm also adjusting to living in the most densely populated state in the country. That being said I wasn't expecting almost the entire island to be devoloped. And it honsetly scares me. I think I'll be heading to the mainland once a week to just see some trees and a field. I've grown very used to the idea of wide open spaces except in cities. So I'll be adjusting and maybe learning how to surf. The sore throat medicince is kicking in so I'll write more tomrrow.

Because Stevens Point wasn't north enough...

I'm moving to Alaska in September. I mananged to land this season long internship with a theatre up there as Props Inten. So I'm going to be living in Juneau working for Perseverence Theatre. Not only am I excited about the location ( any city with more hiking trails than roads is a great place) but the fact that this theatre is doing vital interesting theatre in a small city (Juneau is 30,000 people with no road acess). Some of the shows that they have done in the last year include Tommy, an orginal work about the Raven in native mythogly and Equs. They've in last 7 years they have also done HEdwig and Angels in America Millennium Approachs. So I'm looking forward to doing a good mix of stuff as well as getting to know this place.

Now I know I'm gonna get questions like "Chris you realize its gonna be colder and darker than WI, right?" Well sort of, it will be darker but not 3o days of Artic darkeness, I'm well south of the Artic circle so the earlist the sun sets there is around 3:00 pm which is earlier enough, but it won't be weeks of total night. And for the cold issue, since Juneau is located between the ocean and the moutians, I get to live in cooler wetter version of Oregon. There winters are in the 30s and 40s with rain and occsional snow. When it was 20 below in Wisconsin it was round 38 above in Juneau, which really made me want to relocate then and there. Rain will be interesting to deal with as Juneau is in a temperate rain forest so it gets a lot, somewhere in 100 inches are year mark so I'll have to get used to being a little damp. But yeah I'm moving to Alaska. :)
Nothing like having the family spread from Deva Romania, to Juneau Alaska. :)

1984

I dragged my Mom out to our local Irish Pub where we were both plesantly surprised to find live music. We laughed as we both realized that Celtic music was about the only music that we could actually clap to.

Thinking on it, at least for me, it was some of the first music that I had listened to. Thistle and Shamrock was one of the few radio programs that I remembered. And there was a tape my mother made of one program, a tape my brother was born to, and I tape that I lost in 6th grade. We sat and talked and remembered a song called The Ferrybank Piper, to which we only knew the chorus. "So here's to the Ferrybank Piper, May his sad song never die, May his gay tune rasie your weary heart until in your grave you lie." We lamented the loss and the fact that we didn't know the actual name of the song or the artist.

We then got to talking about a song that was about growing up on the Clyde during World War II. My Mom had the lyrics somewhere, but they were on a unlocatable scrap of paper, if it had survied the move from Chicago, was buried in her closet or the basement. And memories of the lost music began to dance through my head, half remembered melodies, snippets of lyrics telling someone's story. Its increadble how music can stay with you.

So once we got home we started our hunt, horribly misspelling lyrics and song titles and trying to remember if this 30 second sample was the one that we had heard on that tape, or if it was another version of a much beloved song and we managed to find 6 of them, including The Ferrybank Piper,(which we misspelled as The Fairy Bank Piper) and Yonder Banks/Shipyard Appreintice.

We found them mainly by dumb luck, persuing the craziest possible route to them. And listening to these songs I began to cry, not tears of sadness, but maybe tears of something, the kind you get when you find something you once thought forever lost, in a snowy parking lot in Glenview, IL. Maybe nothing is truly ever lost, maybe its just hiding in a different place, the place where you almost give up hope of ever finding it again, like a lost tape from 1984.

One Last Hurdle

I'm almost done with this show. 2 weeks of lousy sleep 3 nightmares and $240 bucks later the only thing that i have to worry about is how to get all this stuff to Lake Forest by Monday. And I belive I'm too young to rent a truck with out a shit ton of extra insurance. If I'm wrong please correct me.
I'm both looking forward to this Saturday and dreading it. it will be when I see if all my work pays off or i go to jail for invoultary manslaugher. It shouldn't be that bad. But we'll see.

Queen Bitch!

I won that title for one day. I won it by getting an antique store to lend me a Wardrobe for the run of the show. I finally feel like I'm gonna make it through this show.
For those of you who don't know, I'm working on a show which is set in a Victorian bedroom and I have a budget of $200. And I've spent a little over half of it and still have most of the Props taken care of. So That is why I'm Queen Bitch.

Jersey Anyone??

Well summer work has come through and I'm going to be working in Southern New Jersey for the summer on Long Beach Island. As a Props Master. Which makes me really happy but kinda nervous.
The show I'm working on right now is coming along quite well thanks to the fact that the costume designer literaly has a house full of period pieces that he has lent out before and is willing to lend me. My only huge furniture problem left is a wardrobe and bed table. Before the list went four poster bed, queen sized matress, sofa, makeup table ( which I own) peroid arm chairy type chair, stool ( have three options) and a very small budget. I think I'm gonna be okay. Which feels good. That and i know that I'm employed until September which is a huge load off my shoulders.

Socially I haven;t been up to too much. No wild affairs, or real wild nights. Save the night when Jenny slapped the shit out of an asshole that wouldn't leave us alone. It was truly hilarous. This idiot came up to us and within the first minutue was implying that we should provide him with certian services. So Jenny slapped him. He kept up the stupid remarks and she kept smacking him. What I found really interesting was the fact that the rest of the bar sided with the two of us even though this asshole was a regular. They kept telling him that you have to respect a lady or you get what's coming to you. I know this doesn't sound too funny but trust me it was.

Other than that not too much has happened. Life is moving and that's all I can ask of it.