random update

Iwish was good at post titles but eh whatcha gonna do. Anywho I thought I would let y'all know what was up in me end of the universe. Which is packing. Its kinda of hard to pack your life into three rubbermades, a hiking backpack and 2 tool boxes ( one actually has just art supplies). But I think I may have succeeded. Woot! So departure is imment and I really haven't proceesed that yet. Hell, I'm picking Dave up on Monday and I haven't processed that. Its a good thing I'm 99% packed so I can now clean out my car. ( The donut's have not been replaced but I think the nerf darts are gaining secientence) So yea and Nicki and Sam please don't kill any guinea pigs on my account. ( not that I thought you would). So Now its time for a shower and a trip to the Miller Brewery with Jenny :)
Chris

Another great time waster

Good Job, Youre in Ravenclaw with Cho Chang, Luna Lovegood, and Padma Patil. Your colors are bronze and blue. This House is haunted by the Grey Lady, and lead by Professor Flitwick. Said the Sorting Hat in the first year, Well teach those whose intelligence is surest Will you rate?? :)


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Jumping on the Bandwagon

You are Form 0, Phoenix: The Eternal.

"And The Phoenix's cycle had reached zenith, so he consumed himself in fire. He emerged from his own ashes, to be forever immortal."

Some examples of the Phoenix Form are Quetzalcoatl (Aztec), Shiva (Indian), and Ra-Atum (Egyptian).
The Phoenix is associated with the concept of life, the number 0, and the element of fire.
His sign is the eclipsed sun.

As a member of Form 0, you are a determined individual. You tend to keep your sense of optomism, even through tough times and have a positive outlook on most situations. You have a way of looking at going through life as a journey that you can constantly learn from. Phoenixes are the best friends to have because they cheer people up easily.


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Jumping on the Bandwagon

Getting Life In Order

So after about a two week hiatus, where I wasn't sure what the fuck was going on in my life. I've got things moving again. I finally made the decision that time was fast apporaching that job or no job I needed to leave and start moving again. While being home can be really nice it feels like I am stuck in statis.
Plus I really fucking miss Dave. Its odd. I've spent some good chunks of time a way from past boyfriends, for instance there was once I was in Europe for six weeks and emailed my boyfriend at the time once and I think I may have called as well. Now don't get me wrong, I;ve missed these previous men when we were seperated but not like this. And there is really no good reason that I can come up with of why I should stay here and wait around. I'm not doing much and its kinda of a pain to get work when you could be leaving soon. Plus I had most of my stuff in the garage still and there is a limit to my parents graciouness on that matter.
So I've decided that I need to set out soon. And of all the cities that Dave and I looked at Seattle was second for us both ( San Francisco was my first choice, but its too expensive, and Denver was his, but its too fucking cold). So Seattle it is. I've found some places that are with in our price range and there appears to be work out there in jobs that will help me pay the rent.
So I pitched this to my folks and was surprised how cool they were with the whole thing. The only thing they wanted was to figure out if one of them could drive with me. They couldn't but I talked Dave into coming out (I'm helping with the ticket) and to drive with me. So if all goes according to plan ( God I hope so) I should be leaving WI sometime around Feb 1st. Well yeah.

So I went back downstairs and expressed my annoyance to Leah about my Dad and he overheard and I explained to him why I said what I said. He let her stay up and explained it wasn't cause he didn't trust her but becuase he wanted to make sure she got some sleep. I'm glad he explained why. He's gotta remember when your 16 it sounds like he doesn't trust her.
So I stayed up and gave her the heads up on some of reasons why my folks function they way they do cause I don't think any one has. Which is important. We all understand to a certian extent why things are they way that they are but since she's new here and doesn't know it may make things confusing. So I hope it helped and I told her if shit was pissing her off she could come talk to me. I don't know if she will but it seems like we get along pretty well. I can get her to laugh so that's good. So yeah, this is gonna be rough for all concerned while we all figrue out why we all work the way we do. And maybe we all need to be willing to fill others in on why.

-Chris

I'm Gonna Shoot my dad

So okay I generally get along with my dad but lately he's been driving me nuts. Namely cause he's trying to parent the hell out of Leah, who is the young lady that's living with us, my sister. The problem is that he doesn't seem to be able to do it with out being a total dickhead. The reason i'm saying this the fact that he was content to let her hang out downstairs when I was up. But the moment I went to bed and he heard me closing the door he went to go tell it was time for bed. Jesus she's not gonna light the house on fire or have an orgy in the living room. I know this is how he shows that he is concerned etc but it comes of like he doesn't trust her. If I had known I would have slept on the fucking couch so she could just hang out. He doesn't have any reason not to trust her and that's proably what it feels like to her. God he just needs to trust her. Yeah she's got her issues but this ain't how you deal with them. He did the same thing to Mike and aleinated him and he's gonna do it to her. He's creating a situation that can lead to bad things.
GRRRRRRRR! Maybe I'll go back down and let her hang out.

I like sun

Just a quick post here. Today was the first time in 17 days that we had a full day of sunshine. I forgot how pretty it is around here when it is sunny. I actually got up at reasonable hour and got things accomplished. It just was nice.
Oh and anohter note when making steamed dumplings make sure to spray the steamer with non-stick spray first.

~Chris

Employed.... In May

So I have a job, unfourtunatly its not until May. I'll be going to work at the Opera in Logan for another summer and I'm looking quite forward to it. It is nice to know that I will have a job in the foreseeable future. The next step is to find one for the time between now and May. Until then I'll volunteer over at St. Johns. I'm helping some of the seniors with their design idea for there midwinter ball. The theme is USO dance in a World WAr II Airplane hanger. The space, their gym is perfect as its roof imtates that shape. And there is a huge flag at one end. So hopefullY I can convince these guys to put the stage and the band there and use the flag as a backdrop. I found out that they wanted use some posters from the era so I'm gonna take a look and see if I can present them with some cool options that they can use if they want to. It sounds like they have thought their concept through and I'll be helping with implempntation. The problems 1. I can't swear there since it is a school which as all of you know is a massive problem for me and 2. I have to be really careful with what I wear, since this a conservatie enivorment and its a bunch of teenage boys that don;t see chicks very often. Oh god what have I gotten myself into. It should be interesting.

~Chris

Notes On Angels

So just a quick note don't start watching Peristroka ( Part 2 of Angels In America) with some one who has not seen Meliuium Approaches. Too much explaining is involed in this.
I found it very interesting how the end speech became this whole thing about the gay community beigin accepted and AIDS needing to be dealt with. It got far more preachy than I remember the play being. It didn't resonate the same way the end of the play did with me. Over all I rather liked how it was done save the end and the fact that Heaven resembled Italy ( where it was shot). The Image of San Francisco was I felt too firmly established to be ignored or turned into Northern ITaly. Anyho I just wanted to share that with you as we all haven't gotten to watch it together...yet.

~Chris

Update

So after my ranting curse ridden post I am glad to say I'm doing a bit better. I have found ways to keep myself occupodo. I am going to be voulnteering sometime up at the local miltary academcy ( I'm friends with the libarian). I'm going to be hopefully helping some of the cadets plan there midwinter ball decoations, the theme, WWII. This will be very interesting. Or I'm gonna work in the archives. Hey it will get me out of the house.
Other than that, I've got a new mask going, based off a piece of art from Mesopotamia, that to my best knowlege was stolen several years ago when the Iraq museum in Baghdad was looted. So I'm attemping to make it. It's part of a sersis, I have this theatre periods book that I'm working my way through and in my boredom and expansive amount of free time, I'm gonna try to do a mask for each period covered in the book that is from a piece of art from the period. I'm not sure what I'm gonna do with them but it should be interesting. I'll try and post my results here with a picture of the art work that inspired it.
And my other item to keep me throughly occupied is a Photoshop book called classroom in a book. Its published by Adobe so hopefully it will know what it is talking about. If I learn anything cool or pretenit, I post it here.
But I'm doing better, sitting in the kitchen with my tea listening to Jackson Browne. Time to peal the glue off my hands and go make friends with Photoshop.

~Chris

I really can't fucking stand this. I hate beign here. There is nothing at all for me here. My one friend has a kid so I can't even talk her about most this shit cause her concerns are around her kid. And she can't really relate to what I'm going through becuse her whole life is fastforwarded into someone in her thrities. SO we either talk about Ayden or books. And I like books but right fucking now I don't give a rats ass. There is nothing to do. I hate having this much free time cuase I have no clue what the fuck to do with it. And if i had money for gas I go visit people but I don't nad I'm down to a quater tank and I wasted about half of it just driving cause I had to get away from here. ANd in the end I just had to come back cause were the fuck else am I gonna go you know.
I know that what I really need to do is load my car and just pick a direction and start drving not really caring about the destination. I just need to start something new rather than being stuck in fucking limbo.

This werid but I'm just gonna type and see what comes out. total stream of concious, well here goes.
I love my family but home isn't home any more. It somewhere other than here and I know that. Its hard to be back, I mean right now I'm living in the guest room/ sewing room. There is no where for me to have as my own, with my own things. Its harder than I thought. Its frustrigating to sit a wait, which is what I'm doing. As soon as the cover letters go out there's nothing for me to do but wait and see if maybe something else comes up on artsearch.
I've been home a week and I'm already climbing up the walls with boredom. I know have all this free time but with nothing to do I have no motivation to get things accomplished
I think that thing that scard/ bothered me so much when Dave was just sleeping and keeping werid hours was the fact that it was a foreshadowing of my life right after graduation. I need something to motivate me. to make me move. I'm hoping to hell that I get some work through temp agnecies etc. other wise I might need to be preid from the celing by the 20th .
I think the reason I like About A Boy ( I just finshed it) is the fact that there is a real catharis something that changes. It might be watching the breaking apart of these characters is something we all expriecne. The breaking apart of ourself to come back to gether in one new cohisive unit that somehow resembles what came be fore but is still instricatally different. I guess that shift is happening to me now. THings are breaking down and reforming and God I'll be glad when things have colesed angain.

The sky was the Limit/ Into the Great Wide open/ Under the skys of blue

And its over. Another life come and gone. Time to shed the skin and become the next incarnation of me.
The last time I had a life end was 2 and half years and several thousand miles ago. I cannot belive the people and the places that I have seen and the impact they have had on my life in these last couple of years. And how many of them were totally unexpected. And how greatful I am that I have had a chance to come into these peoples lives.
Many of the people that I knew here I know that I won't see again, but that's okay. I float in and out of peoples lives and that's who I am. I said my good byes and I'm floating along. Excpet for those speical occasions where I land with a thump and decide to stay. Most of you reading this know you're in the thump catagory, in fact all of you are. You don't get rid of me that easy. When I thump and like it, it is very hard to get me to move.
Oddly the strangest thing is a sense of readiness. The obligations are done and now, and now it is time to start living, how I want to. Looking at it, it is rather scary, I don't really have a plan, I'm jumping in and seeing if I can swim. For a long time this has scared me shitless and as of last Friday I'm no longer afraid. I know this is what I have to do and I'm fine. And I am ready

Ah studying

So i'm taking a break from studying for exams (well wrting my theatre history one) and wasting time on the web. I just don't want to do this but I know that I should. Its just the last final push and then I'm done. Gone, its good i think. I've fallen in to one of my bad habits latley which is not calling people when i should. I gotta get better at this cause once I leave that's how I;m gonna keep in touch, and well with this thing. Okay rambling musing over with on to defining realism.

I'm Free, I'm Free and Freedom tastes of Reality

SO for those of who do not know the above quote is from Tommy by The Who, which if you haven't listened to you need to. Also listen to Quadrophinia at full volume if you haven't
I had my portfolio review and for the first time since I have been here, I was the one in bloody control of the damn thing. WE talked very briefly about this semester and I was able to explain to my profs that I'm good when I'm doing one thing at a time, i.e. I teched and opened 4 shows in 2 weeks this summer when the props master did not communicate well to his staff and I was no where as stressed as I have been when I am at school and dealing with one production. There comment was that I shouldn't do that in the future and my brain went, "Well duh." but instead my mouth said that I realized that and was not about to put myself in that situation again. Plus I think they were finally impressed with my work as a Props person, which is what I have sorta transformed into over the last year and a half. I still enjoy Stage management but damn it I get to play glue, spray paint, power tools and Photoshop. Also if could've been the fact that I had done seven shows since last May either as a props person or on a Stage Management team. So I was damn proud of myself. I left feeling good.
Then came the weird part, I went and got my cap, gown and tassel. It was all the sudden real. This part of my life is over, which is fine, and I realized how much I would miss the people I had met here. Now some of them have moved on ( most of you who are reading this post) but I am leaving behind some really good friends. I know I won't fall out of contact with them, the ones that really matter, I've managed to keep intouch with most of the family either through the phone or electronically. ( by the way Nicki, thanks for introducing us to the wonderful world of the blogg.)
So I'm ready for the next step. I don't know where I'm going next save the general direction, west. It will be a crazy adventure plus I have company so that will be fun, and at least one friend who is with in a thousand miles. Miss Shannon Buss is moving to Portland OR so I'll proably go and visit her when I can afford to.
So I'm now free from obligation and I'm ready to start living on my own terms. I know it won't be easy, but hey when do I ever do take the easy route.
Chris

PS. Nicki, Dave is quite real, I promise, ask Sarah, Greta, Humphery, Andy or very soon Travis. They will have met him.

One Week Left

Wow... Its werid to think that in one week my academic career will for all intents and purposes be over. For as long as I have remebered I've been a student. And now I'm on to being something else. I realize now how fucking scary this is. The one thing that has always been part of my identy is going away. After I finsh Kyle's exam I will never have to write a paper like that again. Is that the columination of all my English classes, a theatre history final that I don't really care about? Werid.
After this week is over I need to figure out the next step. I'm kind of torn about it. I know I want to go west, to go and live somewhere that I've really never been before. But I need to figure out a time plan. The thing that is complicating this is the fact that I will want to see Dave. So part of me wants to get out there asap but the other part says that I should take the time and plan and go out around the middle of January or the end. I'll have to muse it over but I'll figure it out fast. I think airing on the side of planning might be a good idea and I don't think Dave will mind too much and if he does he's gonna have to deal.
Well I need to work on my senoir, bullshit, project. Time to label the prop shop.
Chris :)

YAWNNN

Well I've spent y day since strike job hunting. Grrr. It just is a long process of going to website after website and trying to find where they have stuck the job postings, if they have any. Some of these bastards are really inventive where they hide them. I've found several stuck in audition info. Oh well.
Life is going along well here. THe last week has been me coming to grips that this part of my life is ending and relizing I will miss it. Even though it has driven me near crazy. I've started to slowly say goodbye to my life here and who I was.
It is time to go do something crazy and be reborn. For those of you who don't know, in a couple of weeks I will have packed my life up and headed west. I'm sure where to next, basically where I can get work until May and then if all goes according to plan, I'll be returning to Utah. But basically I am plunging into the unknowen and seeing what's there. I have faith that if nothing else it will be interesting. Wish me luck. :)

Am I just a comlpete fuck up?

So today is one of those days that I always seem to have in Stevens Point (aka, living hell). I feel like I am a complete moron. I woke up late for makeup, late enough that it was pointless to come in. So I went in to talk to Susan and got the whole what the hell is it now Chris, that I get seem to get from all my professors here. I feel like they feel that I can't do this and really as far as I am concerned there are about two things in this world that I am good at. And theatre is one of them. If they don't think I can succed out there I need to fucking know. I know that I can namely cause i get enough rest and I only have to focus on one fucking aspect of my life, work, not work and school which over the course of the last two and half years I have learned doesn't seem to work. I'm sick of feeling like the moron which is why when I'm here I apologize so fucking much. I want this to be done which is not how I wanted to feel about my last semester of college but right now I want to quit even though I only have a month left. I just want to be done and go curl up somewhere and not move for awhile. I'm just fucking tired of who I am when I am here.

A cute cat is staring at me

Well home again. Its werid coming back. espeically when Dave comes with. Its not that anyone here minds him at all, in fac they rather like him, but it makes coming home going to my parents house which is after all supposed happen at some point. Plus I'm kinda down right now cause I just dropped Dave off at the airport to go to New York to take care of things there like moving. So I don't get to see him. I could've gone but school has prevented me so sad day. At least its only to Monday. Man I'm fucking patheic but I really don't mind. So yeah today is visiting people whom I haven't been able to in a long time day. It should be fun. Other than that I'm doing well. Oh and the cute cat in question is a grey tabby named Gizmo, who belongs to my sister.