Tuesday, November 03, 2009

What next??

Well I'm not sure if anyone is reading this anymore. Not that I blame them as I haven't posted since febuary and its now November. I really haven't been doing anything to remarkable. I'm working again, at a coffee shop, and trying to figure out the next move. I still have no clue what to do with myself. The only solid idea that has come to mind is to get my welding certifactes and make something resembling real money. But even this isn't the most exciting idea and I'm having a hard time lighting a fire under my ass to go and do it. So it seems I'll be on this path of indolence for a bit longer. Sorry this isn't more upbeat but I'm still pretty lost. I had no idea that what I did was such a huge part of me.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Brick Walls Hurt

So my life hit another brick wall. I lost my job rather unexpectedly in January. Literally I had the worst work week ever and watched everything I touched blow up in my face. And I mean everything from a shopping basket to the company van. And my overextend tried, frustrated boss decided that this on top of a lack luster season on my part, was grounds for firing. Never mind that I showed up on time ready to work and never pretended that I was anything but what I am he still decided to let me go before my contract was up. Luckily between severance pay and tax returns I'm gonna be able to make ends meet this month. Next is another story.
Its intensely frustrating because for the first time in my life I felt like I had a little stability and finally some money. I know to most people what I made was paltry but to me I felt I was living to good life. I could pay my bills and afford to have fun. Going out was not the choice between socialization and food. I was finally getting a life outside of this business and now I'm just floundering.
The people I know in Atlanta have been really good to me but still they have there own worries and I'm just floating trying to make it work.
And I'm wondering if this is what I even need to be doing. I'm okay at it and I've never felt that its my gift. In some ways I always feel like a charlatan like I was faking it and waiting for my house of cards to fall down on me. So I'm contemplating getting out. At the same moment I've applied for some jobs in this world as its where I have a developed skill set and right now trying to go in to anything at an entry level is not easy.
I have decided to stay in Atlanta as long as I can. I have lease until the end of July I want to do all I can to honor that. But I'm not sure I can. Its crazy how everything can change with no warning at. I'm keeping myself together applying for everything I can and mending my metaphorical bones.