Friday, March 01, 2013

Long time no write

So yeah like four years... jesus... lots has changed and a lot has stayed just where it was.  I think now for the first time in four years I feel forward momentum.  Namely I think that comes from some high hopes about the possiblities grad school happening. 

The biggest difference is that I'm not as lost anymore, or maybe that its I've become much more okay with being lost.  I thought that, four years ago, that big setbacks and confusion were the abbartaion not the norm.  Now I realise being sure of the path is the werid moment.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

What next??

Well I'm not sure if anyone is reading this anymore. Not that I blame them as I haven't posted since febuary and its now November. I really haven't been doing anything to remarkable. I'm working again, at a coffee shop, and trying to figure out the next move. I still have no clue what to do with myself. The only solid idea that has come to mind is to get my welding certifactes and make something resembling real money. But even this isn't the most exciting idea and I'm having a hard time lighting a fire under my ass to go and do it. So it seems I'll be on this path of indolence for a bit longer. Sorry this isn't more upbeat but I'm still pretty lost. I had no idea that what I did was such a huge part of me.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Brick Walls Hurt

So my life hit another brick wall. I lost my job rather unexpectedly in January. Literally I had the worst work week ever and watched everything I touched blow up in my face. And I mean everything from a shopping basket to the company van. And my overextend tried, frustrated boss decided that this on top of a lack luster season on my part, was grounds for firing. Never mind that I showed up on time ready to work and never pretended that I was anything but what I am he still decided to let me go before my contract was up. Luckily between severance pay and tax returns I'm gonna be able to make ends meet this month. Next is another story.
Its intensely frustrating because for the first time in my life I felt like I had a little stability and finally some money. I know to most people what I made was paltry but to me I felt I was living to good life. I could pay my bills and afford to have fun. Going out was not the choice between socialization and food. I was finally getting a life outside of this business and now I'm just floundering.
The people I know in Atlanta have been really good to me but still they have there own worries and I'm just floating trying to make it work.
And I'm wondering if this is what I even need to be doing. I'm okay at it and I've never felt that its my gift. In some ways I always feel like a charlatan like I was faking it and waiting for my house of cards to fall down on me. So I'm contemplating getting out. At the same moment I've applied for some jobs in this world as its where I have a developed skill set and right now trying to go in to anything at an entry level is not easy.
I have decided to stay in Atlanta as long as I can. I have lease until the end of July I want to do all I can to honor that. But I'm not sure I can. Its crazy how everything can change with no warning at. I'm keeping myself together applying for everything I can and mending my metaphorical bones.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Hustling for a living

Hey all-
I'm not sure if any of y'all are still checking this but I felt like I mind as well give everyone an update. I'm still down in Atlanta and for the most part enjoying it. Becoming a local music junkie has been a fun exprience so far but now I need to buckle back down. I know my contract is up in April and I have to start job hunting to find something for the summer. I don't know if I have the contract for next season but I'm hoepful. But at the same moment I'm trying to be prepared for the just in case moment. Its been nice being able to pay bills etc. and I would like to be able to keep doing that. I'm hoping to find summer work in town but I know that it is extremly limited. I have toyed with the idea of just getting a regular job, but I'm addict to this bussness and I'm now gearing up to send out letters and resumes again. I just wonder when I will stop having to hustle for a living. Part of me just wants a year round job, year in year out but I know how bored I get with even 9 months in one place.
I know that right now the reason I feel this way is mainly due to the fact I've hit my five month itch. I've found that I'm the most disasitfied with my life in any given place when I've been there for about 5 months. I know that once I get past this I'll be pretty happy again.
Well that's all for now. I hope y'all are doing well where ever you are. Take care. More later.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

So long time no post.

Hi all-
I just realized that its been forever since you all heard from me. My life has been a little crazy but it has finally settled down and I'm settling into my thrid town this year. I now live in Atlanta and I find myself falling in love with the city and with the neighborhood I now live in. I'm working for the Alliance theatre and I'm still a little overwhelmed by the rescourcres available to me. Its been an interesting first couple of weeks. My boss and I are learning how to communicate and that has proven to be a little frustrating. Mainly this is due to the fact that Kathleen ( my boss in Alaska) and I were able to figure this out really fast and that Nik (my boss in Utah) and I had worked together for a couple of summers and knew what the other wanted. So now with Robert, my new boss, I'm really being forced to listen and take a lot more notes. We're both working on this and I have faith we'll have a system figured out soon. He's a nice guy, I just need to be patient to not interrupt him when he's pausing. But still my co-workers in the props shop are pretty great and I get along well with most of the carpenters. All in all I like my job and I like being able to pay my bills.

My apartment is in this neighborhood between two really great neighborhood, the Virgina Highlands and Little Five Points. For those of you who know Milwaukee, the Virgina Highlands are like a less pretentious version of Wauwatosa ( shesh I see why everyone just writes Tosa) and Little Five Points is like the East Side between Brady Street and North Ave. And for those of you more familiar with Chicago, Virginia Highlands is like Evanston and Little Five Points is like the area around Clark and Belmont. My place is within an easy walk to 7 restaurants, a Grocery Store, A coffee shop (where I'm writing this), 3 bars and some good shopping oh and a great independent Video rental place. So there enough stuff that I can walk to that my car ( sadly not Fred, she's a blue Neon and I think her name is Vivian) can sit happily on the street not costing me tons in gas money. All in all I like here and I think I'll be happy to call this place home.

Monday, May 12, 2008


This just sums it up better than I could. Its fits packing up a life.

"If I Ever Leave This World Alive"

If I ever leave this world alive
I'll thank for all the things you did in my life
If I ever leave this world alive
I'll come back down and sit beside your
feet tonight
Wherever I am you'll always be
More than just a memory
If I ever leave this world alive

If I ever leave this world alive
I'll take on all the sadness
That I left behind
If I ever leave this world alive
The madness that you feel will soon subside
So in a word don't shed a tear
I'll be here when it all gets weird
If I ever leave this world alive

So when in doubt just call my name
Just before you go insane
If I ever leave this world
Hey I may never leave this world
But if I ever leave this world alive

She says I'm okay; I'm alright,
Though you have gone from my life
You said that it would,
Now everything should be all right

She says I'm okay; I'm alright,
Though you have gone from my life
You said that it would,
Now everything should be all right
Yeah should be alright

Thursday, March 27, 2008

The Northern Lights or Why I'm in Love

There is something soo indescribable about the Northern Lights. After watching them tonight I find that words fail me and that as I watched them I had no frame of reference to place them in. They were beautiful, unworldly, awe inspiring and amazing. And that fail to strach the surface. To truly begin to understand them, you have to see them. And I think that sums up this place. Now that the light has returned I have never been so greatful to be somewhere in the morning. Its a town that gentlely sucks you. One moment your an outsider and the next you know half the people on the street. And presents you with the weridest friendliest assortment of oddballs you've ever met. The utter lack of pretense is amazing. There is something to be said for a town where shit brown rain boots (xtra-tuffs) are considered acceptable with formal wear. Trust me you see it. Its a place where people are who they are and if you don't like it well then tough shit. And its a place that slowly changes you. It is a place that I will leave with a heavy heart, but I'll be back and it'll be like coming home.