I guess I was wrong....

I got the job in Chicago at the Goodman. So I start next Friday. So yeah things are going well.

Stupid f-ing wedding. So last year I agreed to be my friend Bri's maid of honor and now it looks like its going to cost me a job. Its an overhire gig at the Goodman for the run of King Lear and it runs right through the wedding. And I don't think that it will be okay. ANd I really can't go back on my word. Yes my career is important but my friends and family are more so. So it looks like Chris almost gets hired again. Great. Now I'm stuck looking for another shit job so that I can make some money to get out of here, beacuse to be completly honest when I left in Febuary I hoped not to come back for a long time. A real long time. Well here's to trying to get back to where I want to be.

Why is it you always find where you belong when your trying to leave.

That pretty much sums it up. I'm back on the road and this time heading east. I went down to see my Aunt in Ashland ( Southern Oregon, home of the Oregon Shakespeare Festival)which was exactly what I needed. It was nice to have family around to talk to. Plus my Aunt Nancy (who is techincally my Great Aunt) is just one cool lady. She's somewhere in her 70s and is completely independant and extremely involed in the community, not only politcally but also she works a lot with the arts community there.
And I found out I really like Ashland, I now understand the stories I've heard about the people stopping for lunch and never leaving. The town is literally in the middle of nowhere (3 hours to Eugene and 6 to San Francsico) yet it manages to have a Shakespeare Fest that runs from Febuary to October, a Symphony, and several other smaller theatres. Its just this really cool extremly liberal town in beautiful moutians. I really want to live there some day.
Getting out of Oregon turned out to be a task, I've replaced 2 tires and a radiator hose. I swore to myself that if I had any troble leaving that state that I was going to take as a sign and turn around. But I didn't so I don't have to have that phone conversation with my parents.
So I'm exhausted in Salt Lake getting ready to sleep so I can continue back to Wisconsin.

Traveling Merices

I don’t know why I haven’t shared this with you all yet but I feel like I should. It was given to me buy my friend Peg Koller before I left Wisconsin this February.

“Broken things have been on my mind lately because so much has broken in my life this year and in the lives of people I love- hearts, health, confidence…

Our preacher Veronica said recently that this is life’s nature: that lives and hearts get broken- those of people we know, those of people we’ll never meet. She said that the world sometimes feels like the waiting room of the emergency ward and that we who are more or less OK for now need to take the tenderest possible care of the more wounded people in the waiting room, until the healer comes. You sit with people she said, you bring them juice and graham crackers.

And then she went on vacation.

‘Traveling mercies’ the old people at our church said to her when she left. This is what they always say when one of us goes off for a while. Traveling Mercies: love the journey, God is with you, come home safe and sound.”

From Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott, p 106

And surprisingly today some did at least seem to understand the second paragraph of this quote. I was getting my oil changed and finding out all that needed to be done and the guy was being level with me and we discovered that my front tire was about to shred. So I went back to the hotel to find out where the Les Schwab was. I was asking cause it’s the only tire place that I had heard anything about. I was going to the parking lot where I ran into this gentleman Mike, whom I had talked with when I was checking in. He and the hotel manager were talking and I was filling out paper work and chatting as well. He saw that I was visibly upset and asked what was wrong and I told him about the tire. The long and short of it was that he brought me to the local tire place and got me a used tired. It was only 25 bucks but he wouldn’t let me pay him back. He said it was nice to be able to help someone. Its moments like these that restore your faith in humanity.

As for Dave and me, we hashed it out. We both still love each other but right now each of our own lives is in such disarray it makes it really hard to be there for someone else like we should be able to. So were taking a break until shit gets shorted and then we’ll reassess and at that time if it doesn’t work then it doesn’t. We don’t want to throw away some that has the poetional to be good when we have our shit sorted.

So I’m glad I came out here and in general feel that I am in a place where I can move forward with life. Which was the entire point in coming out here. So all in all things have worked themselves out, with some help.

One Crazy Fucking Ride

So Utah's done. ANd in some ways it been great and in others it has been awful.

But the next three days are what's going to change things. Shit between Dave and I has been going downhill steadly for about a month now. And it seems after we hash shit out that each time it is over a lack of communication.

Well I'm hitting the end of my rope with it all and I'm driving out there to talk to him. I don't expect it to fix anything but I know for me that I have to do this. If I went East tomrrow things would just continue to detrieorate and quite frankly I want to deal with this and put it to bed. If something happens great, but if it doesn't at least I won't be saying "I wish I saw him one more time."

Mainly I want to see him cause then I'll know what's up. I figure that out from body lanuage etc. and before I make my decision I need to see him. I'll let you know what happens but needless to say its gonna be a little crazy for awhile.

Long time no Post

So I decided to actually post even though things are going how I would like them to. Its been espically frustraiting as I'm not finding work ( or almost getting a job to be turned down at the last mintue) and quite frankly I'm not getting what I need out of my realtionship with Dave. And its not for a lack of trying which is really frustraiting. If one was going right I'm might have a prayer of dealing with the other, with out wanting to shoot myself or anyone else.
Other than that things have been cool. I've had a lot of fun hanging out with people here and enjoying the random adventures.
Like going out to a Chinese buffet and finding ourselves at Antalope Island in the middle of the Great Salt Lake. Which has to be one of the most beautifully desolate places I've ever been. Its this island covered in sage and small brush and no trees,in the middle of a lake that's so salty that it almost can't support life in it. I though growing up I would hate places like that. But I find that I don't. There is something so peaceful in it.
What happened was Christina, Jess and I had finshed eating and climbed into Jess's car (which she had just gotten the plates for after waiting for over a month). Jess wanted to go for a drive and we picked south. We thought we were going to Ogden until we realied we had never actually been to the Salt Lake and went. It was one of the better random road trips I've been on. Next week's adventure involes Indain Food and we'll see where that leads us.